Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
