oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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