Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
