I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
