talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
