Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
