Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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