Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
