How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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