Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
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Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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