Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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