the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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