I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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