the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
My ATM looks so different sober.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
