it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
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Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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