I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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