So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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