does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
