You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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