Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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