why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
