forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
