Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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