I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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