yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
