fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
