I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
