it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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