READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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