Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
