so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
