hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
