Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
