Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
