O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
