apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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