Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
