I wannas sexs uuuuu
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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