you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
my liver is dry heaving
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
