She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
