and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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