i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
