i would punch a child for taco bell
I wish you could order shots online.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
