well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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