Fine. I'll sleep in my office
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
