Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Randomize
