I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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