I hate your face
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
