walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
