I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
