I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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