Porn is love you can see.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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