I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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