She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
