Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
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