guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
