and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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