How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Who did Billy Mays play for?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
