smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
