i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
