Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
