Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
