I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
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