she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
