I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
