Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Pants are for mortals
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